P.S. I have Robin Hood

Never tell your students about your dating life.

I made the mistake of telling my students that I was being set up on (yet another) blind date last weekend. So naturally, the next day we had school, someone asked how it went.

"Well," I said. "I didn't actually end up getting to go. The person I was being set up with ended up having eye surgery last weekend, so he was actually blind. Kind of funny, right? Ok, so moving on with our announcements. . . "

And so went the day. I didn't hear anything else about it.

Until we did a letter writing activity meant to help students improve on some figurative writing techniques. The assignment? Write either a love letter or break up letter. This is a portion of what I read:

Dear Whoever Grandpa Set Me Up With,

. . . You love me like flowers need rain, you love me like I need chocolate, you need me like I need Harry Potter. Wait. What was that? You don't love me? . . . Your fra-gee-lay little world will be struck with dynamite. And your little eye surgery is a plane on fire. You thought you could get out of our blind date. Humph. I shun you.

P.S. I don't need you. I have Robin Hood.

The "response":

Dear Miss ____________,

. . . I think it will take me five years to get over you just like another guy did. You were the love of my life, but now. . . you are like a frightened animal who doesn't want to come near me.

Now. . . there are many times in class when I'm fairly sure that whatever I say goes in one ear and out the other but suddenly my quirks or odd sayings or ridiculous personal stories have come back. These kids are all very invested in my personal life. Probably more invested than I am at the moment.

Just goes to show: when you don't want them to listen and remember they're all ears, when you want them to pay attention they're off in space. Maybe I should find a way to couch assignments into embarrassing personal disclosures. Like: "I went on a date a few years ago where we did __________, just like I would like you to do in class today. Now, this assignment needs to be two pages long - the same number of hours as the movie we watched. . . "